Throughout my Lenten Ramadan I have been blessed to have so many friends and family members who have been supportive and understanding. If people think that what I am doing is a little strange they certainly have not mentioned it to me. I have to admit, this was one of the things I was most anxious about heading into Lent. I was concerned that people either wouldn't care enough to try and understand, see me as some sort of religious zealot or get the impression that this was attention seeking behavior. Instead, I have found myself participating in wonderful conversations in the classroom, at the dinner table and in social settings. One such interaction took place this evening.
It was our friends' turn to host dinner as they often do on Monday nights. After the meal, as the kids were playing outside, we had an enjoyable, impromptu "question and answer" about Lenten Ramadan. The questions were excellent and may perhaps be ones you have as well. Below is a "transcript," to the best of my recollection, of some of the highlights of the conversation. My apologies in advance to my dinner companions for anything either omitted or embellished.
Has the whole experience been more difficult or less difficult than you anticipated going in?
That's a tough question. The entire experience of fasting in this manner is a new experience to me and is unlike anything I have ever done before. But it has not been unmanageable or overly burdensome. It certainly has been a tremendous challenge, but I think I prepared myself well enough for this in advance that I was braced for it. If you go back to the very first post in my blog you will find that it was in November. There were few days between then and March 9 when I wasn't turning the idea over in my head.
That being said, I anticipated that there would be a point where I would not be able to handle it any longer and break down. I didn't think I would ever fully give up the venture, but I did foresee myself slipping in a moment of weakness. Given my track record in past Lents I assumed that this would be the case. But I can say with complete truthfulness that I have not broken any of the guidelines I originally set for in the Ground Rules. I know there are still six days to go, but I have made it this far and there is no way I am going to give in now. After all, this is Holy Week and I am looking forward to my celebration of the Triduum to provide the fuel I need to get to Easter Sunday.
Has it gotten easier or harder as time has gone on?
If you would have asked me this question two weeks ago I would have said it was getting easier, but the past week has been especially grueling. Psychologically I think knowing that I have to wait just a little longer to eat each day than I did the day before has worn on me. You may recall that Saturday was particularly difficult. As a follow-up, I never mentioned that the Dundee Dell was packed on Saturday night and I was put on a waiting list. I felt a little weird waiting for a table for one and after fifteen minutes decided to walk to Goldberg's instead (where the Reuben is second to none). As a result I did not eat until about 8:45, making it about fourteen and half hours since breakfast. Lately I have been increasingly aware of the extreme nature of my hunger and the discomfort it causes, but I have certainly become better at managing my previously noted crabbiness. I should also say that what may be easy for one person may be extremely difficult for another and vice versa. I have a friend who has gone all of Lent without drinking a beer and she is extremely proud of that, as well she should be . . . I may be able to not eat from sunrise until sunset but don't know if I could do that!
How has the experience of blogging been for you?
Blogging has been one of the most valuable things about this entire experience. I have always enjoyed writing but often feel like I don't have anything worth writing about. Lenten Ramadan has given me a ready-made topic on which to focus and I have, on most days, enjoyed writing about it. I generally write in the evenings and there were a couple of times when I really felt tired and definitely did not want to sit down at the computer. There were other days when I did sit down to write and had no idea what thoughts I was going to put down (today was one of those days). Knowing I needed to blog each day has kept me honest too. I don't know if I could have pulled through this Lenten Ramadan if you were not holding me accountable in this way. Thank you!
Without hesitation, however, I would say that the greatest benefit blogging has provided is that it has become my daily "Examen." In the tradition of Ignatian spirituality the Examen is a time to reflect on the events of the day (or the previous day). The Examen allows one to be open to seeing where God was either found or missed that day. It helps one to note the day's joys and pains, successes and failures and in doing so, to recognize gratitude for God's constant attentiveness to one's being. Writing has helped me sift though my thoughts and experiences in search of that sliver of meaning to be found in each day. While I cannot foresee myself continuing to blog, I do see the value in the practice of journaling and I hope to be able to maintain that practice at least on a personal and private level.
Are there things that you choose not to blog about?
While I have tried to be as honest and forthright as possible in each of my blog entries, there are certainly things I choose not to share. With the exception of this entry (!) I have also made efforts to be succinct, knowing there is no way to possibly share an entire day's experience . . . I wouldn't have the time to write it and you wouldn't have the time to read it. I have made every effort to protect the identity of family and friends, only using names after I have received permission. I have also intentionally not included photographs of friends or loved ones. Life is a mystery and I believe that leaving some things to the imagination is a good thing.
It seems like this entire experience may be a significant "marking" for you. Do you think years from now you will look back on the Lent of 2011 as an important time in your life?
Absolutely! In fact, I would go so far as to say that this may be one of the most significant spiritual experiences of my entire life. There are times when I have been brought to tears either in my prayer or in my attempts to explain what Lenten Ramadan has meant to me. It has been profound beyond explanation and I have been comparing it lately to being on an intense forty day retreat. In that regard, I almost do not want Lent to end . . . I want to continue what God has begun in me and I pray that I will always vividly remember the many lessons I have learned these past forty-one days.
As Lent draws to a close, perhaps you have a question or two about my Lenten Ramadan journey. Feel free to post any questions you have in the "comment" section below and I promise to respond with greater brevity than can be found in today's post.
No comments:
Post a Comment