"When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. . . . When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites. They neglect their appearance, so that they may appear to others to be fasting." Mt 6:5;16
I have wrestled with this passage since Ash Wednesday when this was the Gospel reading. I have wrestled with being very public and telling others about what I am doing. I have wrestled with whether or not I should have set up a blog as a means of expression. I have wrestled with how much of this is well-intentioned and how much of it is about me. I have wrestled with whether I am one of the hypocrites of which Jesus speaks. I was eager, therefore, to meet with my spiritual director today for the first time since the beginning of Lent.
One of the more powerful images in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola is that of the "Two Standards." As a former soldier, Ignatius tended to use military imagery in his writing (a fact that I sometimes find troubling, but which is intended to be symbolic). Since a standard was the banner carried into battle by an army, the "Two Standards" refer to "whose side I am on": do I carry the banner of Christ or the banner of the Evil One? What are my motivations? What do I hope to gain? As he reminded me of this poignant piece in the Exercises, my spiritual director challenged me to remain vigilant throughout this Lent as to what I sense is going on internally. All things we do that bring us joy, pleasure and satisfaction in life are done with some degree of selfishness. Even the greatest sacrifices we make for others bring us a sense of obligation fulfilled and "mission accomplished." Why not direct these energies towards things that are good, build up the Kingdom of God and celebrate our humanity?
As I once again reflected on my motivations for my Lenten fasting I am confronted with two realities:
One reality is the intentions with which I began this endeavor. I have mentioned in earlier postings a desire to be in solidarity with others, to foster understanding between people of different faiths, to deepen my own Lenten prayer experience and to create a greater awareness of my own food habits. I have not mentioned, however, my general feeling about the internet. I find electronic communications to be a remarkable tool for self-expression and the communication of ideas. Facebook has not only connected me with long lost friends, but has also aided in the rise of political movements and the overthrow of dictators. But I have sometimes found the internet to be a toxic place as well. The proliferation of pornography online would be an obvious example of this toxicity but what also disturbs me is the tenor of many online conversations. It takes little effort to create a screen name and vilify anyone and everyone with an opinion different from my own. So back to my intentions . . . I felt compelled to be part of the solution and not part of the problem. I wanted to, at least temporarily, create a space online that could be safe, challenging and, God willing, inspirational. That is, I hope, carrying the standard of Christ.
The other reality is that I cannot deny that it is very gratifying to see that people are reading what I have to say. It is gratifying to know there have been over 500 visits to this blog. And that is what I need to wrestle with throughout this Lent. If this is simply a case of "Look at me!" then perhaps the standard I bear is not that of Christ.
This all reminds me of a story I once heard in a homily. A pastor ran into a young man who had grown up in the parish. "Hello there!" the priest said. "I haven't seen you in church for awhile. Is everything alright?" "Father," replied the young man, "I decided not to go anymore because the church is full of nothing but hypocrites." The priest looked at the young man and said, "Well, you should stop by sometime then. There's plenty of room for one more."
News regarding tomorrow:
One of the more powerful images in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola is that of the "Two Standards." As a former soldier, Ignatius tended to use military imagery in his writing (a fact that I sometimes find troubling, but which is intended to be symbolic). Since a standard was the banner carried into battle by an army, the "Two Standards" refer to "whose side I am on": do I carry the banner of Christ or the banner of the Evil One? What are my motivations? What do I hope to gain? As he reminded me of this poignant piece in the Exercises, my spiritual director challenged me to remain vigilant throughout this Lent as to what I sense is going on internally. All things we do that bring us joy, pleasure and satisfaction in life are done with some degree of selfishness. Even the greatest sacrifices we make for others bring us a sense of obligation fulfilled and "mission accomplished." Why not direct these energies towards things that are good, build up the Kingdom of God and celebrate our humanity?
As I once again reflected on my motivations for my Lenten fasting I am confronted with two realities:
One reality is the intentions with which I began this endeavor. I have mentioned in earlier postings a desire to be in solidarity with others, to foster understanding between people of different faiths, to deepen my own Lenten prayer experience and to create a greater awareness of my own food habits. I have not mentioned, however, my general feeling about the internet. I find electronic communications to be a remarkable tool for self-expression and the communication of ideas. Facebook has not only connected me with long lost friends, but has also aided in the rise of political movements and the overthrow of dictators. But I have sometimes found the internet to be a toxic place as well. The proliferation of pornography online would be an obvious example of this toxicity but what also disturbs me is the tenor of many online conversations. It takes little effort to create a screen name and vilify anyone and everyone with an opinion different from my own. So back to my intentions . . . I felt compelled to be part of the solution and not part of the problem. I wanted to, at least temporarily, create a space online that could be safe, challenging and, God willing, inspirational. That is, I hope, carrying the standard of Christ.
The other reality is that I cannot deny that it is very gratifying to see that people are reading what I have to say. It is gratifying to know there have been over 500 visits to this blog. And that is what I need to wrestle with throughout this Lent. If this is simply a case of "Look at me!" then perhaps the standard I bear is not that of Christ.
This all reminds me of a story I once heard in a homily. A pastor ran into a young man who had grown up in the parish. "Hello there!" the priest said. "I haven't seen you in church for awhile. Is everything alright?" "Father," replied the young man, "I decided not to go anymore because the church is full of nothing but hypocrites." The priest looked at the young man and said, "Well, you should stop by sometime then. There's plenty of room for one more."
News regarding tomorrow:
- It did not dawn on me until I came home and saw this in the Omaha World-Herald that Friday is the Solemnity of the Annunciation. Because solemnities are joyous celebrations on the Church calendar of what is generally a significant moment in the life of Christ, traditionally it is not a time for fasting or of abstinence from meat during Lent (much the same reason why I am not fasting on Sundays). As a result, I will not be observing Lenten Ramadan tomorrow in celebration of the mystery of the Incarnation and the beginning of the great story of Salvation through the person of Jesus Christ. Ahhhhhhh.
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